Published on November 25th, 2010 | by Charlie0
How to Introduce your Partner to Play
The issues and the problems
The wrong way to introduce anyone to anything is to produce something out of thin air and say, “This is fun.” The likely reply will be “Fun for who?”, and the result can be a lot less fun for everybody. It’s a particularly bad idea to try this early in a relationship, and when you’re not really on that level of intimacy.
The risk is losing your partner, quickly and effectively. Remember that not everybody evolves their sex lives in the same way. Some people have had some bad times sexually, and producing reminders of those bad times is a true no-no.
The basic approach
The fundamentals of any sexual relationship are based on mutual attraction. Add something which acts as a repellant, and the whole situation can come crashing down.
So be careful. You do need to sound out your partner in advance, and above all find out what the no-go zones are, if there are any. This can be done in a conversation, just raising the topic indirectly, or in any one of a thousand ways which don’t equate to any sort of imposition on your partner.
Also make sure you’re at the stage of your relationship where you can discuss things like this with your partner. Straight sex is one thing, acrobatics with props and a cast of thousands is another, and you can put yourself in a fairly difficult position if you get too enthusiastic or seem to be making demands.
Approach the subject gently.
Ask about, or mention, your play idea as a general concept or just a topic in passing during a conversation.
Wait for a reaction, positive or negative.
Do not get offended by the response, if negative. There’s probably a good reason for it, and you need to understand it. The reaction may not even be anything to do with you, but some other issue. If you don’t understand, or push the wrong buttons, scratch one relationship.
If the reaction is disinterest, disbelief, or anything other than positive curiosity, drop the subject, whether it’s vibrators or cream cheese. The subject is being shut down, and probably tactfully, by the other end of the conversation.
If the person misses the point completely, and responds with some sort of cliché like “I don’t know how people can do things like that”, you’re talking to the wrong person.
If the reaction is “Oh, how disgusting!, etc” and really means it, you may as well be talking to the wrong species, because this person is definitely not on that wavelength.
The best option will always be two people who like the same things.